These Kids are Crazy

Are You Serious Clark?!

We were getting so close to my next scheduled post of These Kids are Crazy that I was actually worried that I wasn’t going to have anything to write about.  How stupid of me.  My kids couldn’t let that happen.

If you missed the last post of These Kids are Crazy, check it out here.

Ladies and gentlemen, I love my children.  I really do love them with all of my heart.  There are some days, though, that I have to remind myself of that to prevent murder.

This week’s edition is brought to you by one of those moments.

My oldest daughter, Lis, is one of the most amazing young girls in the world.  She’s intelligent, kind, loving, and fun.  Even though she’s usually on the quieter side, she can make almost anyone smile.

The setting…

It was dinner time.  Little Ro couldn’t wait even another minute as I put the last few things on the table.  Clay was helping her as she tried to feed herself and had situated himself in my usual seat to do so.  We were having one of my go to’s for when I run out of time, hot dogs, pierogis, veggies, and cottage cheese.

We were all enjoying ourselves, talking about our day, laughing at Little Ro as she tried to sneak her feet onto the table, and generally having a good time.

The situation unfolds…

As we were laughing, I heard Lis mutter the words, “Oh darn it” but didn’t think too much of it as there was no sense of urgency behind it.  We continued our conversation until I felt something hit my foot under the table.  It was a very small something.

I asked Lis, “What was that?”

She paused for a lengthy period of time before answering, ………………………………….”Cottage cheese.”

I looked down to see where it had landed and to my surprise, there were curds of cottage cheese everywhere.

As calmly as I possibly could, I asked her, “Is all of this cottage cheese?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, she answered, “Yes.”

I looked at her, my inner she-bitch roaring her ugly head, and just stared blankly.

When my awesome, wonderful, and amazing daughter had muttered the words “oh darn it”, she had somehow dropped a spoonful of cottage cheese onto her chair.  The upholstered chair that had literally been re-upholstered that very day, merely hours before.

Guys, the fiery pits of hell had ignited in the pit of my stomach.

From that point, she was somehow inspired to remedy the situation by flicking the individual curds of cottage cheese off of her chair, under the table.  By the time I realized what was going on, there were probably between 20 and 25 individual curds scattered around my dining room.  They were under my chair, under my husbands feet, and on the wall beneath the window.

All I could do was tell her to go to her room.

“Momming” up and handling it…

As she walked away, I looked at my husband and mouthed the words “What the f***”.  My inner she-bitch was throwing an absolute hissy fit and I wanted nothing more than to sick that beast on my judgement-impaired daughter.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I took a few deep breaths and called the dog.  She was more than happy to clean up Lis’s mess.  It took another couple of minutes to tame the unsightly mess that is my inner self but I got her under control.

I called Lis out and talked to her about why her decision was inappropriate and she had to clear the table and take care of the dishes by herself.

I know she’s a kid and I do my best to remind myself of that, but are you serious Clark?!